Looking for an end in sight...

I've been living life holding my breath. I'm waiting to know when it's OK to let it go. For 3 months now I have watched one of my best friends become an example of the economy. The loss of a spouse's job, the stress of looking for a new one. The end of severance looming ahead. Will we stay? Will we have to move? Which way's up? Which way's down? It is heartbreaking to have someone you love for so much go through such pain and struggle. Some days the uncertainty and changes ahead just become too much.

Usually I love Springtime in Georgia. Usually I love to watch as the Bradford Pear trees show signs of blooming. It's a sure sign that Spring is right around the corner. This year I watched those trees with such disdain. There they were- those stupid trees just about to burst, so excited for the change ahead. Here I was dreading the change ahead. Why is it that no matter how much forewarning you're given change is never easy. Sure enough the blossoms all burst and look so beautiful and cheery-- the last thing I was feeling. Now they hae faded to green and all the branches are filling in. They undergo a quick change and then blend in and become part of the tree. It reminds me of how no matter the change, how fast it comes, how slow it drags on that we do all blend, assimilate, change and become part of our new surroundings. It's the waiting that sucks. It's like we're still those trees in the dead of winter-- just waiting, not sure when the weather will warm up, just waiting and waiting, knowing the change is coming, but no control over when it will happen. I was envious of those trees, excited for the change, blooming into something beautiful and then becoming whole again.

So as I continue to wait for my moment to exhale I pray--a little for me, but mostly for my friend. She is someone of faith and I watch even the most faithful find difficulty in letting go. We're riding this roller coaster together and we have laughed and cried (mostly cried). We look for strength, we look for meaning in all of it, but mostly we just look for an end in sight! My hope is that by the time the azeleas are in bloom I will revel in and enjoy their beautiful changes. So bring on the changes, let us see the path that is not yet clear and when all is said and done may we bloom and grow beyond what we thought imaginable!